So, you want to be a Stay at Home Mom, eh? ~ Part Two

10 Nov

As I protested to a friend about the realization that I was a Stay at Home Mom, she kindly explained that she thought it was great that that was how Ben saw me…she explained that he got to grow up knowing I was there for him before and after school, for field trips and chauffeuring, making cookies (my chocolate chip cookies are ‘epic’ according to my kid) and having dinner on the table (Kraft macaroni and cheese is not difficult to make). His mom was there.

I, too, look at those points as positive things for a child to grow up with and so I should be thrilled that I am available to do them, right? But, yet, I struggle with the very thought of not having an outside workplace to go to each day and not financially contributing to my household. And there’s more….

When I worked full-time running my company and allocated some of my everyday tasks to people I employed, I completely undervalued, underestimated and misunderstood SAHM’s. I never thought they just sat around and did nothing – I just wondered what they could possibly do to fill their entire days and wondered if they were a little bit bored, as I was sure I would be in their situation. In addition, I really couldn’t imagine hanging out with an infant or two all day long. I mean, I knew I truly wanted to be a mom, but I always also knew I wouldn’t function well as a full-time, 24-hour-a-day-with-my-kid mom. In hindsight, maybe I was simply afraid of the all-encompassing responsibility of it all and nervous that I wasn’t up to the task.

When Ben came along, I thought I was doing fine managing and spending time at home, with my son, my husband, my pets and my business. Little by little, I realized that I might not be able to be great at all of these things at the same time. I was not willing to settle for less than 150% at each, so it finally hit me that something had to give.

I decided to sell my company to my trusted friend, Kate and was ready to spend my days organizing 30 years worth of photos, volunteering for every project and trip at Ben’s school, clean in all the little corners, nooks and crannies in my house, take the dogs for hour-long walks daily, cart my kid all over the place and make homemade bread! How hard could it possibly be?

Fast forward six years….

I wish my babysitter, Kara, lived with us. I wish my lovely housekeepers came three times a week instead of one (every day wouldn’t be so bad, either). I wish I had my office staff to take care of all the little tasks and projects I don’t want to take care of myself, like addressing envelopes and licking stamps. I miss being ‘the boss lady’ at work and the creative process that comes with being an entrepreneur.

This is much, much harder and much, much more than I bargained for, after all!

My photos are still not yet organized and my laundry room needs to be cleaned out. But my dogs and cats get a lot of my attention and I love, love, love being home with them. There are often fresh-baked cookies on my counter and my home is a gathering place for all of our friends.

So, Ben’s observation woke me up to the fact that a SAHM is exactly what I am right now….I have been fortunate enough to have been a single working woman, a working mom and now I get to ‘stay home’ and experience the joys (read: woven with frustrations) of being home A LOT.

Part Three to come….

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