Bragging Rights – and Wrongs

2 Nov

My son’s study habits are second to none!


I’m not bragging – I mean that literally. They are about as close to ZERO as one can possibly get. As in – Ben, routinely (every night), barely gets his homework done until very late the night before it’s due and sometimes even leaves it for really, really early in the morning just before he leaves for school.


Unfortunately for his mom, who would like to turn this into a lesson, his grades are not suffering because of it (yet, at least – I can still hope). And what makes it EXTRA frustrating is that he discovered that there is actually a precise term for his inability to get things done in a timely manner….


Ben, proudly, very late at night: “MOM – I figured it out!! I’m a PROCRASTINATOR!”


Me, sarcastically: “Oh really, Ben? Tell me all about it.”


Ben, not getting the sarcasm just yet or my growing annoyance: “Well, I just looked it up and a procrastinator is when….”


“No shit, Honey, I know what a procrastinator is and I know you are one – what’s your point?“


“Mom – stop being sarcastic. My point is that because I’m a procrastinator, I wait until the last-minute to do my homework. That’s how we procrastinators are.”


Great – my son is now a proud card-carrying member of this elite group – he has found his people!


“BEN! You do not wear your Procrastination Badge like a Badge of Courage – really, it’s truly not anything to be so proud of. It’s something to work on and alter…”


“But if it’s working, why do I need to change it?” (Where’s that damn Karma when you need it?)


“Because at midnight, you need to be sleeping, not starting your 12 Geometry problems.”


“Great talk, mom.”


First, let me assure you that the irony of the fact that he RESEARCHED procrastination as a way to put off his actual homework assignments is not lost on me. Next, I have no earthly idea where his dawdling along comes from. If I was one of those bitter bloggers, I might say – ‘must be from Gary’ – but I hate to throw my husband under the bus like that (wink, wink.)…


And I should acknowledge that every Sunday night since Ben could comprehend words, he does hear me declare my intention to start a new diet and exercise program the following morning (I’m serious this time!). And I guess I haven’t exactly set the best example by eating four pieces of pizza and refusing to get on the elliptical by Tuesday dinner.


Still, he’s a little too boastful about being much too tired (read: lazy) to put the rubber bands on his braces each night for the past 2 years. Like it’s a cool thing. Not sure how he’ll feel about still wearing those wires when he’s trying to ask out a girl at college during his junior year or having a metal smile for his wedding photos.


Then, to top it off – a few months ago, Ben changed his email address to be a little more user-friendly for school, his ESPN/Fantasy Football and Basketball updates and to make sure people could get hold of him without having to go through me. How responsible, I thought!!


Until one day when I picked up his iPad and saw that he had 63 UNREAD emails.


So, I texted him at school: “BEN!! Why aren’t you reading your emails?”


“MOM! Plz get off my iPad and y do u even care?”


“Because you got an update on your basketball schedule, you emailed your Spanish teacher and she replied, you need to print out the permission trip for your retreat weekend and confirm that you’ll be helping out at Sunday School – two Sunday’s ago!”


“Mom – stop reading my emails/texts. And u dont have to spell everything out and punctuate in texts mom. Learn 2 text! And btw, I dont read my emails – There are 2 many of them. And plz quit with the stupid emoticon faces –really annoying mom. O and Jack says hi – hes next to me in Geo.”


“Ben – stop texting in school – get back to work right now! But first say hi to Jack for me.”


“OMG STOP. Ur the 1 who texted me!!!”




“Don’t K me.”


“KK Ben! ttyl”




Isn’t it interesting that he can meet every Fantasy Football deadline, trade and offer? I mean, you have to stay on top of players, stats and all the others in your league, right? So, if he can manage multiple teams at one time and on time – what’s up with his dragging his feet for everything else? And I know he can manage multiple electronic devices at the same time – I see that ability in action regularly. Not to mention the number of text conversations he seems to juggle and respond to – quite rapidly I might add.


If there’s a solution to all this, I’m open to ideas.


In the meantime I’m going to get started organizing my photos that I vowed to categorize the minute I sold my business (2007). Or get to the two yet unfinished blogs that Sarah keeps bugging me about (from July).


But it’s late and I’m kind of tired, so I think I might just order Ben a pizza (wink, wink) and start mulling over next week’s diet…

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