I often write about my very candid conversations with Ben and many of his friends. I am upfront and non-apologetic when it comes to checking his texts and tweets every so often, censoring his music when I’m within earshot (what he listens to when he’s alone is up to him) and pointing out that the social media images of women showing their wares and displaying morals and values as loose as the straps on their bikini bottoms are not only shallow and fake (if he really believe his wife’s boobs are going to look like the ones posted on Instragram, he’s sure to be disappointed), but that real life is much different than social media life.
Unfortunately, my crusade is often a lonely one…
If I had a dollar for every mom I’ve encountered who is too afraid to ‘get caught’ checking their kids’ texts or who ask me to let them know if their kids are posting anything ‘inappropriate’, I’d be a wealthy woman.
If I could record the conversations where parents tell me that they are ‘respecting their kids privacy’ by letting them go wild on the internet, I think a whole lot of parents would question their own words. And worst of all, I’d like to shake all the moms who tell me they wish they could check their children’s phones, but their kids won’t give them their passwords.
If our kids are in middle school or high school, we need to realize that they are being confronted with and offered alcohol and drugs. And a ‘harmless’ drug of the past, like marijuana, is not harmless anymore. Prescription and lab created drugs are all over the place. Heroin is today’s drug of choice and incredibly easy to come by. This is the reality for ALL of our kids across all socio-economical lines (thank you world wide web) and all different parental situations.
Porn is everywhere on their social media sites and it has gone way beyond the stuff in the Playboy magazines teenage boys used to hide under their beds.
The songs our kids listen to have dumbed down sex, drugs, alcohol and rags to riches to such a low degree that many teens today have a very hard time distinguishing sex from love or having sex from making love. They think it’s okay to use slang that is degrading to women, minorities and police and really, most authority figures – principals, teachers, mall security, etc.
All you need to do to record a hit tune is sing about being born poor, suddenly finding yourself in a Lamborghini or Bugatti and banging the hell out of every woman you come in contact with while her panties are ripped off or thrown to the side, while she is talking very un-ladylike and her legs are happily up in the air. Seriously – listen to almost every rap song out there and you’ll hear the same old story. And it isn’t quite how you’d hope the most influential music is composed. Certainly isn’t James Taylor walking down a Country Road! (Had to get James in this blog somewhere.)
Uber ‘facts’, Life Hacks and Life Cheating on Twitter and other sites – the stuff that is written that our kids believe come straight from God, are often unchecked and untrue. Yet our kids believe every written word. Kind of like Pinterest makes everyday housewives feel like we can all be Martha Stewart if we simply possess a glue gun and a piping bag, the internet makes young people feel invincible and above the laws – of nature and the legal system!
So let’s stop being afraid of our own kids and be parents – you know, the ones that set rules, guidelines and expectations. A parent that doesn’t turn the other ear when your kid drops the f-bomb, doesn’t freak out either, but makes it clear that that kind of talk isn’t okay out there in the world at large.
And as a result of being upfront and honest with your kids, you may just save your ninth grader from getting trashed at a party (happening right now friends), you may give or restore your daughter’s self-respect and keep her a virgin just a little bit longer. You may teach your son that no means no. You may give your daughter the confidence she needs to say ‘no thanks’ the next time a joint is being passed around at the party.
I leave you with this question – What’s the downside of bringing this stuff up? Aside from a few awkward moments and maybe some pointed anger from your teen, what harm can be done by trying to prepare them for reality?
By the way – one more serious piece and then I promise to get back to the lighter stuff…I’m sure as soon as Ben gets over what I’ve written in these couple of posts he will get back to giving me some good material!
tccwarmregards 
Rock on, Terri!!